My final impression: I think the overall story flow lacked logic. Well, amvs are not always about having a coherent story. But the way I see it, you focused on some moment that seemed...quite logic for a clear story (with the first second and the moments with the girl, you would expect something more clear out of that in the end).
Beside this, original dub voice simply breaks your viewer bubble...and your own music, and rythm, and synch ; use with A LOT of moderation.
Soyez le changement que vous voulez voir dans le monde