Not bad for a first one
You should get rid of this annoying watermark and avoid weird typography. Subtitles have to be simple and if you are to put text in your vid, don't do it too randomly, make this a concept. But for now just focus on improving your editing basis, try to get rid of cheap tricks like fades and flashes and rely on a more thought-on scene selection. But I want to greet your feeling of the song, you respected the calm parts of the song very well.
Good job, keep it up