First you should try to change your parameters for the encoding because 200+ mo for 3mn, I think it could have been lighter =/
Second your streaming is down (thus the first point is even more important
Some random/details things :
Most of your zooms were too quick.
I did'nt really like the beginning because of the music and because there are so many overlays effects, it's hard to see anything.
I didn't like the part from 2:02 - 2:05, you shouldn't have used this scene too much
Overall it wasn't bad, some parts were very nice, but I don't know why I didn't really like it. Probably because of the music which I don't like, and also because I'm kind of used to seeing always the same scenes of Kara no Kyoukai.
Good luck for the Ic